That Time I Drank a Mountain Dew at 4:00 PM


Sometimes being a lawyer is exhausting. Sometimes you go to work on Monday, work 12 hours, and drive into the office on Tuesday knowing it’s going to be the exact same way. Sometimes, on Tuesday, at noon, you start to fully comprehend that you will work 12 hours on Monday, on Tuesday, on Wednesday, on Thursday, on Friday, and good-freaking-Lord, on Saturday too.

You will print, and copy, and draft and make phone calls. You will deal with partners and talk to other lawyers and call the Court.

How to be a lawyer blogger: Go through and blur every single sheet that shows up in a photograph.

How to be a lawyer blogger: Go through and blur every single sheet that shows up in a photograph.

And then, you will remember…. You will remember that last weekend Target had pepsi products on sale. You will remember how you bought a 12 pack of Mountain Dew because, really, who likes actual Pepsi? And you will make the fateful choice to step out into the *incredibly rare* sunshine of the Pacific Northwest to retrieve said Mountain Dew from your trunk of your car, your car that says, “I’m a lawyer, but a poor one.”

It will be OK for awhile, because you’ll resist the sugary, caffeinated sweetness for some time. You’ll keep printing and copying and drafting and phone-calling, drinking water all the while. But then… then it will call your name.

Sun in the PNW

And you’ll know better. You’ll know you shouldn’t be drinking Mountain Dew at 4:00 in the afternoon. You’ll know that you’ll regret it that night and the next morning. But you won’t care. You won’t care because an associate lawyer can only do so many hours of cite checking and doc review and exhibit organization before they just want to crawl under their desk and pray for the day they become partner, with someone else to do the printing and copying and drafting and phone-calling.

I’ve been there, friend. I am there with you right now. Yesterday I was sucked into the sweet siren call of Mountain Dew. I am back at my desk 13 hours after I left it.


But I am tired. I am exhausted. I have bags under my eyes that clinique foundation cannot cover up. Because last night, when I finally hit the hay and could go to sleep …. I couldn’t sleep.

Level 97


So I played a round of “iMessage Cribs” with my friends where we compared the organizational state of our homes (I win, because I’m single and single girls don’t need much). I played about 17 rounds of Candy Crush Saga. I started reading a new e-book about blogging and writing (Free in the lending library, or $4.99). I even started an Amazon Prime video on Roman history.

My Pantry

At some point I fell asleep. I don’t know when. I don’t know how. But I slept fitfully. Because a jolt of caffeine at 4:00 will come back to haunt you in your sleep.

This morning I hit the snooze button for 1 hour and 3 minutes. *My neighbors – they LOVE me.* And you know what that means, girlfriends? Shower? Ain’t Nobody Got Time For That.

Shower Everyday


So… don’t be like me. Don’t drink Mountain Dew at 4:00 PM. Don’t succumb to the pressures of associate lawyering. Resist the temptation. Or you’ll be at your office, 13 hours after you left it (if you’re lucky), with greasy hair like this.

Greasy Hair


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  • Reply
    March 27, 2013 at 9:46 am

    You are so cute, haha… girl, I could drink mountain dew at midnight — its my obsession!!!

    • Reply
      March 27, 2013 at 11:14 am

      Oh man! I am so jealous! I drank it a ton in college, but now caffeine after about 2:00 just kills me!

  • Reply
    Megan - FireWifey
    March 27, 2013 at 10:09 am

    hehe. I wash my hair like every 3 or 4 days. Thank you dry shampoo. It’s better for your hair anyways. And iMessage cribs sounds fun! haha

    • Reply
      March 27, 2013 at 11:13 am

      What dry shampoo do you use? I use BedHead and it doesn’t really seem that effective :-/. Maybe I’m doing it wrong?

      • Reply
        March 27, 2013 at 11:30 am

        Suave works awesome for me. And it smells good.

        • Reply
          March 27, 2013 at 1:01 pm

          That’s awesome! Because BedHead smells really weird.

  • Reply
    March 27, 2013 at 12:46 pm

    I use Garnier. Seems to work pretty well.

    Emily talked about this before, but it’s onlyf or once a week. I feel like it would really dry out / mess up your hair if used too often.

    • Reply
      March 27, 2013 at 1:01 pm

      Awesome. Thanks!

  • Reply
    March 27, 2013 at 1:19 pm

    haha you are so cute! i never wash my hair, whoops!

    • Reply
      March 27, 2013 at 4:44 pm

      I’m glad I’m not alone!

  • Reply
    Heather @ From Here to There
    March 28, 2013 at 4:36 am

    You are so strong! It’s interesting to read about a lawyers life because I never really see what a lawyer goes through except in the movies haha and you never know if that’s true, but reading your blog is interesting and lets me in on the crazy life of a lawyer, a life I would never want for myself, but still find interesting! Good luck getting all your work done while finding time for rest! :)

  • Reply
    It's OK to Not Be OK - Where My Soul Belongs
    March 28, 2013 at 6:57 am

    […] you were here yesterday you would have seen how I was a hot-freaking-mess. It’s true. I was exhausted, overwhelmed […]

  • Reply
    Erin ⚓ (@erinwiggle)
    March 28, 2013 at 7:20 pm

    I had to give up regular lattes in the morning because I would still be wired at bedtime. IN THE MORNING. Only decaf for this girl. I feel ya.

  • Reply
    Natasha Smith
    April 11, 2013 at 4:31 pm

    OMGoodness!! I’m literally laughing out loud while I’m waiting watching my daughter in gymnastics practice, looking silly because those around me have not read what I just finished reading!! I So enjoyed your post! I love me some mountain dew but mercy it’s strong! I can’t remember the last time I had a real one as I drink diet drinks now but I will take note NOT to drink it at 4pm!!
    -Natasha @ Lovely You

    • Reply
      April 14, 2013 at 4:40 pm

      haha! Thanks for stopping by Natasha! :) Your comment cracked me up and made me feel a little less lame.

  • Reply
    February 23, 2015 at 5:54 pm

    you’re pretty!

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